The Dragon has Landed

I told you my wife and I have been up to something at Amazon. You've been patient.

Your patience is about to be rewarded. Look what we found:

Finally in our hands and soon to be on yours. We're taking pictures, running tests and finalizing our Amazon listing.

The big surprise: they're better than we thought. They're thicker and more durable that our initial samples. 

Can your gloves withstand this?

Yes, I put my hand on the stove, turned it up to High and left it there for a half minute or more. It wasn't hot. We had enough pictures and I was getting bored.

Can your gloves do this?

Yeah, I got the chimney starter going as hot as I could then picked it up. I held it long enough to get a few dozen pictures. Then I dumped the coals into the barbecue not because of the heat.

I had to make some ribs.

In the kitchen, at the barbecue, on the grill or over the campfire we know heat protection is #1. But cut resistance is nice, too, so we incorporated Para-Aramid fibers like those found in bulletproof vests, fencing uniforms and motorcycle armor.

Not only can you do this:

But the gloves are extra durable. Those fibers aren't going to wear out.

My Gorgeous Illustrator doesn't like it when we use this joke:

Will Dragon Knuckle gloves stop a bullet? Yes, if it's thrown at you.

(Our legal team doesn't suggest you try to stop a bullet if it's shot at you. Avoid those kinds of parties.)

If you're thinking about putting your own products for sale on Amazon, have one free lesson on us. Remember the last picture? Amazon frowns on weapons in product pictures even if they prove a point.

That picture with the knife may not be allowed in the final cut.

How do we celebrate the arrival of our Dragon Knuckle gloves? How do you think?

Jerky's in the oven right now. Do you need Meta-Aramid gloves when you're only cooking at 170?

No, but I'm on a beef jerky diet.

Seriously. More on that later.

The Poet with Dragon Knuckles

Dragon Knuckle Day is on the way.

My Gorgeous Illustrator and I, acting on training from my new employer, are going into business for ourselves on Amazon.

If you've been reading this blog for any time you know if I'm not writing and she's not drawing, we're cooking. So something food related was natural.

Want to know more about the product? Check out DragonKnuckle.com.

And please help us out with any chatter and exposure you can provide. As new business people, we'd appreciate it tremendously.

Gratitude and BBQ love will be your reward.

And if you'd like to help us further or go into business yourself, contact us directly.

Have a recipe or BBQ story to share with Dragon Knuckle? Let us know.

Keep it Roasting.

Amazon and On and On...

I've been writing. If you haven't seen it, it's because I've been writing for John Rood, Kibly and the Azon Academy.

Emails, product descriptions, blog pieces and all sorts of things detailing how John grew his business and how he coaches other people.

I must be good at it, because I convinced myself.

My wife and I started his Azon Academy training. We researched products, worked with manufacturers, designed a product and now it's on its way. Our first shipment is being manufactured right now and it will be for sale soon.

Here's a video about my experience so far:

Do I think you should do it? Maybe. If you want to build your brand, sell products and create an income on your own schedule independent of workplace, then yes.

It's a lot of work at first. It's not for dumb people unable to learn. It's not a get-rich-quick scheme, but it doesn't take to long.

You know I don't trust a lot of people, but John and his team are some non-horsecrap people who want to sell and help people sell.

My whole point of getting into freelance writing was to make a living wherever and whenever. This is that, just a subtle shift of direction.

Don't worry. I still get to write. I'll share my product page soon and I'm having some fun with it.

My Gorgeous Illustrator and I both get to be creative. The logo at the top of this post is hers. Follow the link to see something of mine:

Dragon Knuckle

Oh, and what am I selling? For right now I wan't to keep that as a proprietary Dragon Knuckle secret. But here's a hint:

Wait, that's the wrong picture. This one:

This is for selling physical products on Amazon. To all my ebook authors: yes, I'm thinking of us too. Somewhere in the back of my head I'm hatching a strategy for ebook success.

No, I Don't Write For Free

Image via Flickr by nociveglia

I am a mercenary writer. A word mule. My pen is on the street, hooking.

That's why I so rarely get to writing on my own blog. And strangely, with nothing written since August, October was the highest traffic month in the history of this site.

Probably some weird internet math there. It's still mostly meaningless.

Instead of a journal of what I'm up to, this has become the diary of stuff I thought I'd do.

The murder mystery is still in the works, but I don't write for free. My experience with publishing fiction and poetry tells me it's wasted effort.

Yup, that's blunt to say. But all you idealistic artists out there: learn how to make money. Do that and then you'll have the time, freedom and space to write art.

"Starving artist" is one of the most true cliches out there. That's what almost every full-time artist does. The universe doesn't pay us.

Meanwhile, I'm actually writing for money more that ever. I'm back on the Bright Hub horse and I'll put together six pieces on being an entrepreneur this month. A couple College Factual pieces, too. I have a bit going into the CopyPress blog later this month, also.

I finally landed a part-time work-from-home gig that's giving me about 20 hours a week. I write for an Amazon retailer that is branching into support and education for other retailers. I write emails, product descriptions, blog entries and whatever else. Like a true word mule.

My restaurant job is taking a seasonal down-turn. Don't look now, but I'm actually working and earning more writing from home than I am at a restaurant. I wish the hospitality job would produce more and make it a tougher competition.

It was one of my goals and now I reached it. Still not making enough to support a house and three kids, but I'm grinding.

The Marcel novel is predictably on hold. I have no time for both word-muling and creative writing. That's how it is.

Yet somewhere in the back of my mind I'm thinking about the ebook business. Our primary purpose at my new writing job is to help people sell physical products on Amazon.

There are many differences between selling ebooks and sprockets, but somehow the people I work with must be able to help authors too.

I'm learning everyday. I'll find a way.

Unless you have a nickel-a-word for the next paragraph, I'm stopping here. I need to get back to work.

Murder Mystery in the Works

Although no one reads the things I've written, I've never made enough money to buy a nice pen writing ebooks, no one paid attention when I performed on stage and I got a collective "whatever" from Slam judges, I still need to write.

It's a true need, like eating and mating. Through my misadventures in car sales, I never had the energy or spark. Now looking back at several months of inactivity, I got that itch. I needed to get back to work.

But at what? I have several projects I've thought about, blogged about, doodled about and scratched notes about. The one I decided to pick back up: the one with the best scenery.

Remember Marcel?

He's my sleuth. A French charter fisherman and dive guide. Here's his boat:

http://www.hatterasowners.com/Brochures/53C/53CB-0069.htm

And here's where he moors it:

You can buy it if you want.

Well, fictionally I did buy it. And I put a resort on it. Then somebody died there and it's up to Marcel to figure out who dunnit.

If Jacques Cousteau became a very reluctant Columbo, he'd be Marcel. Sort of. There's much more too him than that. I'm trying to avoid Inspector Clouseau or Pepe Le Pew. He's his own style. Mediterranean with a side of French Canadian trapper. Don't think he's Parisian or call him a frog.

"I am no frog. Frogs, they cannot tolerate salt water."

Stay tuned.

Sympathy for the Devil (I mean Car Salesperson) Part One

I spent eight months as a car salesman. I'm back in the restaurant business and couldn't be happier. Yet I learned some things. The first one: don't be so tough on car salespeople.

Buyers are Liars

It's a common saying amongst salespersons because it's true. My #1 takeaway from my time in car sales is that the salespeople are more honest than their reputation and buyers are less so. 

Car salesmen are at the store everyday and represent a business that is always there. If they lie, they will be called on it. People shopping for cars can and will say whatever they want. Faced with a clod of bullshit, the dealership will invite them back to make a purchase and forgive them swiftly.

The nicest guy I ever dealt with working for BMW was a sixty-plus retired fellow shopping for an exciting sports coupe. He said it would be the last car he'd ever own. He'd drive it for the next ten or twenty years and then pass away. Naturally, I wanted to help him make the right purchase.

The M235 is a hell of a car. For just over $50k you get over 300 horsepower and foot-pounds of torque. Most M cars are rear-wheel drive only, but you can get an M235 in all-wheel drive. Drive it all year round in the snow, sun, ice, mud or whatever. It's one of the best bang-for-your-buck machines BMW offers.

This guy didn't want to spent much over $50k. The only one we had on our lot was around $56k. It had some options he didn't want. It was gray with a black interior, but he wanted one that was white with a black interior. He didn't want fancy options or high-end leather interior. 

We almost made a deal on the one we had. A common question car sales managers ask is: "Can we sell the car for a price that would make you color-blind?" He said since this was the last car he'd ever buy, he didn't want to compromise.

So I got to work on the Build Your Own section of BMWUSA.com. When I cut out the options he didn't want and put in the basic black interior with the non-metallic white paint, we had the perfect car for just under $50k.

It was mid December. He told me he had to spend some time with his mother over the holidays and would tell me what he decided to do after Christmas.

I called him a couple days after Christmas. What did he do? He had driven over to Seattle and bought a white M235 with a beige interior for about $54k. It wasn't the car he told me he wanted, but he bought it anyway. He said he wanted to think about it. Instead, he drove someplace and bought a car.

We'd talked about what he wanted for a few hours over a couple days. I offered to bring that car from Seattle to Spokane for him. He didn't want it when I asked. But he bought it from them anyway. He thanked me for all the work I had done. He complimented me on my professionality. Yet I made no money for all the time I'd worked for him.

That's a snippet of life in the car business. When a person takes the time to listen to you, ascertain your needs and find a car for you, let him make some commission from you. Don't waste your time and his by buying something you told him you didn't want anyway.

In retrospect, he was very nice. Yet I don't care at all if he's enjoying that car. 

Eighty Six the Poet: Defibrillated

Image via Flickr by Bernhard Wintersperger

It's been a long time. I shouldn't have left you without a strong rhyme to step to.

Eric B and Rakim

I have many stories to tell, but let's start with the fact that I'm back from the dead.

I just took my dog for a walk, had a La Perla Maduro and recited a couple slam pieces for old times sake. It feels like the artist in me is waking up again.

Go back a couple posts and read "Eighty Six the Poet is Dead". You'll understand how I was feeling about selling cars for BMW. What did I do after that? I quit my job, of course, but started working for another dealership. I was hoping to see more traffic and have a broader inventory. I did, but I still wasn't making much money. I was still dying inside.

So I dumped that job and am back in the restaurant business. I'm working for a seafood joint with a great view that reminds me a lot of a great spot I worked at in Seattle. I'm back doing what I do best and am coming back to life.

The best thing that ever came out of my time in the auto business was meeting a fellow post-apocalypse fan. While staring out the window and waiting for customers (they call it "licking the glass") we got to talking about a potential novel. We have a structure, a calamity and two main characters. Soon we'll have some whiskey and cigars while knocking out some text. More to come on that.

I'll write more soon. I will put what I learned about cars, especially the plug-in ones, on my other blog: WhereIsMyElectricMinivan?

I need to get back on stage and perform some verse. Then my heart will fully be back in rhythm.

Cathartes Aura and the Apocalypse Zoo: Reformatted and Rereleased

Hard to believe it's been nearly five years since I first published an ebook. Is it easier to believe that I've made almost nothing on that poem? I've earned more money writing about teaching preschool than from the best 10,000 syllables I've ever composed.

Some of you know what I'm talking about. Some of you don't and it's all my fault. I've let myself shrivel as a creative writer. The business has beaten me until I've almost given up. But I won't give up.

Cathartes Aura and the Apocalypse Zoo is the post-apocalyptic story of a zoo on the day no one showed up, narrated by a captive turkey vulture. The story is built of one hundred ten-by-tens. That's 10 syllables per line, 10 lines per stanza, 10 stanzas per chapter and 10 chapters in all for a total of 10,000 syllables. Yes, I counted them all several times.

Step one of my rebirth is rereleasing things I've already written. When I first published Apocalypse Zoo, I didn't include a page break between each stanza. Smashwords strips them out anyway. Therefore, when you read it on your device, you will probably get more than 10 lines on your screen. It's difficult to consume one stanza at a time that way, which is how it was intended to be read.

I just reformatted it to have only ten lines per page. I resubmitted it to Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/Cathartes-Aura-Apocalypse-Zoo-Eighty-ebook/dp/B004YTSUQY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1453358205&sr=8-1&keywords=cathartes

As you flip through the pages on your device, you should get ten lines at a time. The whole piece should be easier to grasp that way.

Please buy it and read it. $2.99 is as cheap as I can sell it on Amazon. I keep 70%. You'll spend $3 on less valuable things this week, I'm sure.

This poet is rapidly heading toward a future where his kids wonder whatever happened to his dreams. Help me achieve my biggest one.

Coming very soon, the sequel: Cathartes Aura on the Road from Nowhere. Also reformatted. Then Inside the Skull of David Priest and The Cheshire House will get some new noise. Growing at the Sun also needs to become an ebook.

Then I need to look into print-on-demand and get them printed in the real world. Who has some POD advice?

I want those books to start doing something for me. Then I'm getting back to work writing fiction. I haven't been myself lately. I miss being constantly exciting about building characters and crafting plots. Those things never leave my head once I get working on something. They haven't been in my head for a long time.

I'm tired of being shy about self-promotion. No one does it for me. So please, buy the book, read it and share it.

http://www.amazon.com/Cathartes-Aura-Apocalypse-Zoo-Eighty-ebook/dp/B004YTSUQY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1453358205&sr=8-1&keywords=cathartes

The writing is precise. It's exactly 10,000 syllables. How could it not be precise? It's physical, forceful and sensory. It's narrated by a soaring scavenger. You've read nothing like it.

Three bucks.

Thank you.

Eighty Six the Poet is Dead

RIP Eighty Six the Poet

October 5, 1974 to September 15, 2015

It happened fast and then it happened slow. So slow no one noticed, not even the artist himself. But he is no doubt gone.

It happened the day he became a car salesman. At first, it seemed to make sense. All his life he'd worked in customer service. Then he became a mercenary freelance writer on any topic. What really interested him was his work with green cars.

He bought his own electric car and loved it. Frustrated with the low income ceiling in the restaurant business, he chose to step into auto sales. He got a job with BMW, the best green car company in town. Like he'd done his whole life, he lowered his shoulder and got to work.

He knew it wouldn't be easy. The hours would be long, but doubles in the hospitality biz never bothered him. He even imagined his writing could help him gain clients. He started Where is My Electric Minivan?, aspiring to be a strong influence weaning people from gasoline.

But never did he have the time or the energy. He had to sell what the customers wanted. Getting up on his podium and banging his shoe about driving electric was a turn off.

And he never earned what he wanted in the car sales game. He never wrote. He never appeared at EV events or sounded off on EV forums. He faded away.

Poverty and failure will do that to a person. You don't want to be seen, you don't want to speak, you don't even want to be around people when you have nothing good to say.

Eventually, he ceased to be.

The 86 the Poet tattoo on his arm, rather than being an affirmation of purpose, became a mockery in the mirror every morning as he rose before dawn. He shaved, showered and put on a BMW polo before driving to work to put on an energetic facade.

Coming home after earning no money to a family that needs it is like being fired every day. Except you have to keep going back.

Now, analyzing all that has happened, he realizes his is nothing he used to be.

He doesn't write, perform on stage, go on field trips with his kids, make his wife smile, eat well, have fun or have cash in his pocket.

It can't go on. He ain't going out like that. So I'm taking the CHAdeMO charger for my Nissan Leaf, sticking it in his chest and defibrillating his corpse. People always like poets better once they're dead anyway.

Eighty Six the Poet is dead. Long live Eighty Six the Poet.

Pressure and friction.

The only way out

From between two millstones. 

Seattle Seahawks and Old Women: Rams Again?

The old women and one old man came to the rec room at the home to start the new season with their Seahawks. The snack table was a little more full, but not at the A level of quality and competitive preparation that surely will come as the weeks roll on.

The old women don't like the Rams. The Rams are bullies and sneaky. The Hawks don't have to play them again until December. The old women were confident when their boys played the Rams last time that they would win. That didn't happen. Sportscasters talk about the Ram's special teams tricky plays. Coach Pete Carroll, though very clever himself, seemed not to be able to keep up.

The last play of the game when he sent RB Marshawn Lynch to charge through the Ram's D- line for the 1 yard play to get a first down and keep the ball failed. Some of the old women remember that last miserable play and interception at the Superbowl and said “Oh now he sends in Marshawn”.

As they watched, the old women could see their mostly new O-line were hardly a match for the for the Rams D- line. Russell Wilson was beat up on and the new line worked to get it together, but veterans Russell Okung and JR Sweezy couldn't be everywhere at once. Russell was sacked 6 times. Each time the old women screamed “don't hurt him!” and even short of breath, they held it to see that their boy would get up off the turf OK. The old women believe that Russell has a big target on his chest and worry about him each game.

The old women missed the excitement of watching SS Kam Chancellor light up the field. Fill-in SS Dion Bailey looked like to the old women that he just needed a hug and years of experience. They knew, as only a practice squad player, he could not even come close to Kam. But so far, Coach Pete hasn't knuckled under to Kam and his agent. Failing to keep his feet under him on one the Ram's QB Nick Foles' last passes to Lance Kendrick, Dion showed he has a ways to go. The one old man in the room asked, “Did that Bailey kid just fall over his own feet?”

K Steve Haushka's botched “pooch” kick, whatever that is, just proved that the old women were not going to see a win today.

The old woman keeping track of the penalty count announced that there was a total of 13 and, of course, the Hawks had more than the Rams. They were playing at the dreary, dark Edward Jones Stadium. There were not many Ram fans there and a lot of 12s made it to St. Louis. The old women were happy to hear them nearly out scream what Ram fans were there. One old women said she could see why the Rams wanted to move to L.A

The old women gathered up the leftovers from the snack table. Nothing is wasted. It would have been more fun to beat the Rams, but at least no one got hurt and Russell is OK. They take small victories where they find them.

Seattle Seahawks and Old Women: Raider Run-In

There were only an handful of old women and one old man for the Seahawks and Raiders game. The snack food was better.

No question about who got the remote for the TV. Learning how to mute out the sound on the commercials is not complicated. Keeping the volume up above conversations is not complicated. One old woman took charge of the remote and another kept track of penalties. Hawks got the most calls. The refs were more officious than ever but reasonably fair.


The old women knew that the Raiders were at the near bottom of the pile for teams. It didn't matter. So many stars-to-be for the Hawks made the game more fun. Working for a spot on the roster kept their boys on their toes. Stand outs already were Tyler Lockett and Frank Clark. Lockett outran everybody and Clark just bullied the Raider's offensive line to get to QB Christian Ponder. BJ Daniels floored the old women when he stepped in at QB after Russell and RJ Archer. They said they did not see where a WR could go to QB. He showed he was a scrambler and could pass.

The old women are glad all the preseason stuff is over. They said now we can get down to some football. Mostly the old women were happy none of their boys got hurt too bad. Looks like backup QB Tavaris Jackson's ankle will be healed up soon.

The old women are more than irritated with SS Kam Chancellor's money game with coach Pete Carroll.

They heard that he will not play the starting game with the Rams. They cannot believe he owes over 1 million dollars in fines for not showing up for practices. By not playing on Sunday, he will be charged over 200 thousand dollars or some such amount. It is too bad. Being a jerk has cooled off one of his more vocal fan clubs (the old women in the rec room at the home) and he probably doesn't even know.

Seattle Seahawks and Old Women: Charged Up

The old women came to the rec room for the Charger game. They were a little uneasy. Their boys had lost both the pre-season games. They hoped this wasn't the outcome of all the games to come. Old women are black crepe hangers.

It was a treat to have some left over Birthday cake to eat at the game. Earlier they gave one old woman a surprise birthday party. The old women take care of their own. Nothing is wasted. They forgot to get the ice cream out of the freezer until almost all of them had gone. One old woman took the ice cream home and said she would bring it back for the Charger game.

The old women and the lone old man are forming opinions about this team of Seahawks, both vets and rookies. The love of QB Russell Wilson is tested. They do not approve of him being a shill for “healing” water. Kam Chancellor they think is acting like a spoiled brat. And they are happy their cute Coach Pete Carroll has not given into his demands.

Players are entitled to their own personalities. The old women get that the stress of fighting for a spot on the roster is hard but this preseason bickering is trying their patience. They thought the solution was a good spanking for the bad boys. That got the hands up of every old woman to volunteer for the job.

The women are old, not dead.

Two old men stayed through the whole game: one who was an expert on everything related to football and the guy with the remote. He took his time connecting the TV to cable. He wanted to just stick the cable wire out the window. One old woman had had it and she left unhappily. Reception was intermittent and annoying until he relented and attached the cable. The old women will rethink his remote duty for next game with the Raiders.

The Charger game was close. Their QB Phil Rivers was hard not to like. Tall and fast is not what the old women wanted to see in an opposing team's QB. The Hawks' front line showed improvement. Most of the cheers were for LB Bobby Wagner. Add DT Brandon Mebane and OLB KJ Wright so the Chargers faced nearly 800 lbs of rolling boulders.

K Steve Haushka showed he is not perfect but he came through when it counted for a Hawk win. 

Again the old women got to scream and cheer for WR Tyler Lockett. Watching him run all over the field and score a 67 yard TD gave the old women reason to believe this game would not be a loss. Coach Pete Carroll again screaming at the ref for what he thought was a bad call got some cheers. In a game where the other team got called for more penalties, the old women were happy for their boys and the win. 

They couldn't eat all the old BD cake. Even old women have their limits. They did remember the ice cream.

Seattle Seahawks and Old Women: One Point

Contributed by Kathe Frahm

The old women are still unclear how much these preseason games mean. They brought very little food to watch the first game but for the second they had more enthusiasm. Beating the Chiefs like a drum will be fun.

They are happy to see the defense work a little better and found a new sweetie in Jimmy Graham: cute and 6'7”. Graham and their Russell Wilson, showed a real connection for the few passes they completed.

The old women watched Graham and an old favorite, Luke Willson, at 6'5” talk on the sidelines. They laughed that they were among the few Hawks who could nearly see eye to eye. Watching handsome young men who are tall and have those great long legs again sidetracked the old women off into another conversation involving plays not found on a football field.

One old woman invited her Granddaughter to watch the game in the rec room. This prompted the old women to at least attempt to tidy up their language a bit. Though the girl was eighteen, the old women worked to show a little bad language restraint. As the game went on, however, that effort became too much and when their boys just were not going to win, epithets learned over a long life offered whole new lessons in obscenities with no apologies to the Granddaughter.

The lone old man keeps proving he has what it takes to stay in the rec room with the old women for nearly the whole game. They know he's there for the free food. Since he knew how to work the remote to mute the commercials, the old woman with the remote control duty relinquished it to him. He was reminded to keep the volume up to hear the conversations going around the room and the game plays.

The Chiefs showed a good defensive line and pressured the Seahawks' QBs Russell and Archer to scramble. The Chiefs' QB Alex Smith proved he was ready for their season to start for real.

At least this time the front line protected Russell and Archer better and no one got hurt. Watching DT Brandon Mebane do his belly roll and LB Bobby Wagner with DE Michael Bennett throwing Chiefs aside was all part of the fun. 

Being together is fun.

After the loss, the old women went back to their little apartments. Those that can will come back next Saturday to watch their boys unplug the Chargers.

This time the old women will again designate someone to keep track of Hawk penalties. They were called for 11 against the Chiefs. The ever adorable coach Pete Carroll didn't think all the calls were warranted. Hawks had 16 one game last season. They believe that if you get called on 13 but make 15 you're still ahead. Carroll did say the team had to get better. The old women say not always getting caught is better. They have learned fair play works best when you're winning.

For the Charger game the old women are sure the Hawks will win. They would like that. Maybe the snack table will have more than just a few days-old cookies.

Seattle Seahawks and Old Women: Bronco Bucked

Contributed by Kathe Frahm

The old women and one old man weren't sure what they were supposed to see in a 'preseason' Seattle Seahawks game. They came to the rec room at the home only knowing that what they wanted to see was their boys just pounding the “Manning-less” Broncos into the soggy Seattle turf. That didn't happen.

Some of the old women were not even sure who was going to play. One nerdy old woman had a roster list and was trying to mark off the names of the players as she read them off their uniform backs. Not a precise method, but a little helpful. They knew Russell Wilson got his money. So did Bobby Wagner. Marshawn Lynch was happy. But they did not understand why a favorite, Kam Chancellor, wasn't going to play. And why were other favorites on the sidelines was an often asked question. They agreed that it was a chance to let the adorable rookies get their feet wet.

It is all very confusing and the numbers mentioned for contract signing seemed unreal. These old women, living off Social Security with just enough to pay the subsidized rent and buy some groceries, had trouble imagining just what a player's millions of dollars would buy.

Their Russell did not look like the star he is supposed to be. And then QB back-up Tavaris Jackson got carted off the field with an injury and that left the new kid, third in line, RJ Archer to face the daunting Bronco front line. The Hawk defense did not do well at all. Big and mean and fast is just what the old women like. That description started another inappropriate conversation related to physical size that had little to do with football.

The old women did rediscover their Seahawk screaming and walker rattling cheering section when the rookie Tyler Lockett took off with a kick return of 103 yards in his debut game. The buzz in the room did not settle down until a little dizziness set in for some of them.

A trip to the sparse snack table helped some of the old women and the lone old man to refocus.

The old women wanted more from their boys. They wanted the Broncos to lose. Waiting 6 months for a chance to watch the Hawks win again mattered. It is a hard thing for old women to brush off the disappointment of that last few minutes of the 2015 Superbowl. They really didn't like the tampering of game balls brought in by the Patriots to use as an excuse to explain away the loss. Their boys just should have won. One more loss in lives full of them doesn't get any easier. This year will be better. The old women are good at hope.

Seattle Seahawks and Old Women: Preseason Edition

Contributed by Kathe Frahm

The old women will again come to the rec room. It won't be the same this year. They have lost some friends. When hearing of the loss of one of the old men, one old women said, "Now who's going to buy our fried chicken?" Grief is expressed in many ways.

One really loud old woman and one too talkative old woman moved away. All though no one said “good riddance”, the old women thought it was for the good.

The old women have had 8 months to shake their disappointment at losing the biggest game of the year. Their boys not winning the Super Bowl still remains an unsolvable puzzle: if Russell had only handed the ball off to Marshawn at the 1 yard line...

This new season will be for many of them even more confusing. Some old women are waiting for the final word on who actually will play for the Seattle Seahawks. Some of their favorite boys have been traded. But the old women are ready to watch Marshawn Lynch, Kam Chancellor, Steve Haushka and Richard Sherman. Finding out what the 'Hawks will pay to keep Russell Wilson past next year is of interest.

Management at the home say the whole building is to be remodeled. This was to start this January. It hasn't.

The old women at the home meeting, where this was announced, threatened to bolt the rec room door from the inside if even one construction worker interfered with a 'Hawk game. You can push around old women just so far.

A new couch would be good so the old women who need the front row for the TV wouldn't sink into the existing one up to their shoulders and need help getting out of it.

The preseason games start in Seattle in August with the Broncos and the regular games begin with the Rams in September. Someone has already put the 2015-2016 game schedule up on the cork board. Maybe some of the old women will watch preseason, maybe not. At their age, everything has to count.

A couple of old women want to start a pizza fund. It is a rare treat but all together they may be able to afford it once in a while.

Some old women say they have added new Seahawk things to wear. Large, dangly earrings seem to be the fashion statement so far.

The clothing and food comparisons and competition will begin in earnest with the Ram game.

The old women hope for a Super Bowl winning season for their 'Hawks. One commented that coach (Surfer Boy) Carroll was even more adorable than last season. That brought a few chuckles and inappropriate wishes that only experienced old women would say.

Being together again in the rec room is important and looked forward to. The old women see each other in the halls and elevator once in a while, but laughing, screaming, cheering and jeering together matters. They are looking forward to watching their Seahawks play once more... their boys.

Blah Blah Blah: Niko's Preschool Talent Show

At the end of my son's preschool year, he had a talent show. "What do you want to do?" we asked him.

He's a smart kid and good at many things, but not singing, dancing or typical talent show stuff. I suggested doing a song from one of the Czech fairy tales his mom loves. Who else is going to sing "Svítí Slunce and Hlavou" at the show?

We thought it was a great idea, but he was undecided. Then one night a week later when I was at work, he told his mom: "I want to do the Blah Blah Blah song."

"Blah Blah Blah" is a song by KRS-One and Just-Ice that I've played in the car for him and his little brother. It's fun and clean. I need those two suburban white kids to know what hip-hop is. I just never expected Niko to pick it for the talent show.

Yet I was stoked that he did. The lyrics are about the excessive amount of much blah-blah in the world. Some of it is more related to the music industry, so I decided to rewrite it to be more preschool relevant.

I gave him some pointers on how to memorize the piece. Performing spoken word has made me better at it than I ever expected. I read it aloud repeatedly and bit-by-bit stop looking at the page until I don't need to. You need to start early, keep the text in your pocket and live with the words until they stick.

I never expected him to step up without text in hand, but with a week to go he had it nailed. That's my boy.

I hoped to find an instrumental version of the song, but never did. The beat is a bit too quick anyway. He did it a cappella instead. We never planned any choreography. I'm not sure what he's doing with his knees.

I've been calling him NIK-Zero.

The audio is crappy. Here are the lyrics to help you understand. Many of the words are mine, but some are bitten directly from KRS-One's first verse.

Hey, hey, hey

Yo, what these cats saying, man?

Man, to me...

All I hear is blah-bitty-blah-blah

People always talking that blah-bitty-blah-blah

The news is blah-blah-blah

Who's the new blah-blah?

She's the new blah-blah

Hanging out with blah-blah

Now blah-blah

Read about the latest blah-blah

Some blah-blah

Just bought another blah-blah

Blah-blah-blah on 500 channels

Nothing to watch but blah-blah and wild animals

Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah is in the video

Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah is on the radio

Blah-blah all day

And blah-blah all night

Nothing but blah-blah

Means something's not right

I keep away from the blah-blah-blah

On the TV, the tablet and computah

So give me a ball, a paint brush, a pen

I'll go down the slide and I'll go down again

Give me a book and a good place to read

Fresh air and sunshine are all that I need

I'd rather sing a song or stare at the stars

Than soften my head with blah-blah-blah-blah...

N-I-K-O doesn't need blah-blah

I'd rather cheer rah-rah-rah

Or sing tra-la-la

Or dance cha-cha-cha

While my sister says gah-gah-gah

And my brother laughs hah-hah-hah

Then spend the whole summer doing blah-blah-blah

Go to school in the fall saying dah-dah-dah

Brains are muscles

They need exercise

Feed brains good things

And they'll become wise

So when school is done at LLCA

Keep using your brain or it'll go away

Or fill your head with pudding and tar

By surrounding yourself with blah-blah-blah-blah...

For the next two months you'll see me promoting our local National Drive Electric Week event with gusto. September 19 in Liberty Lake, Washington. I may be building a page dedicated to electric cars and solar power. Still in love with my Leaf.

Blah-bitty-blah-blog.

Inland Northwest EV/PV Group Showing Off its Cars at Felts Field

Stay current. Go solar. Drive electric.

The Inland Northwest EV/PV Group, which works to bring awareness to electric vehicles (EV) and photovoltaic solar power (PV), is holding a photoshoot Wednesday, July 1. The event will be at Pemberton & Sons Aviation at Felts Field at 6:30 PM. The media and curious drivers are encouraged to attend.

The group is led by Jorgen Rasmussen, engineer for Frencken America in Liberty Lake. He knows that the best transportation for the environment is an electric car charged with solar power. Many people have misconceptions about electric vehicles. They have not yet learned EVs are powerful, easy to maintain, smooth and clean with plenty of range for most drivers. As the charging infrastructure improves, owning an EV will become even easier.

The automotive industry responds to its customers. It designs and builds vehicles it knows will sell. When the public demands cleaner vehicles, the industry will deliver the products. Automakers do not currently perceive a strong demand. The Inland Northwest EV/PV Group aims to create that desire by enlightening the public.

An electric car is only as clean as the power charging it. Electricity sourced from coal-burning plants results in a polluting electric car. An EV charged by solar or hydroelectric produces no emissions. Adding solar power to a home is not complex. Home owners can even see their meters run backwards and their bills turn into checks.

March 16, the group held a photoshoot at Avista's Upper Falls Dam on the Spokane River. With the group's help, Avista is showing the public what it's doing to make a cleaner power grid. In addition to hydroelectric power, Avista has built a solar farm in Spokane Valley with 1512 panels. The Community Solar project will allow Avista customers to lease a panel for $1400 each then receive approximately $1800 in bill credits over five years.

The EV/PV group is gearing up for National Drive Electric Week in September. On Saturday the 19^th, they will host an education event at The Cork House in Liberty Lake from 9 AM to 1 PM. EVs from Tesla, BMW, Nissan, Chevy, Think Global and Spokane's own Commuter Cars will be available for test drives.

To stay on top of Inland Northwest EV/PV events, especially National Drive Electric Week, join the Facebook group and register with National Drive Electric Week.

Five Things Eighty Six Has Been Doing Instead of Blogging

Do you have an old friend you haven't talked to for a while? So many things have happened since you last spoke, you don't know where to start. Not knowing where to begin or how to explain your distance, you never get around to talking to that old friend.

That's what my blog has become. Three months since my last post. Feels like it would take a tome to summarize all the happenings.

But this is the internet. No one wants a tome. Let's do a list of five instead.

5. Buying an Electric Car

2011 Nissan Leaf, to be exact. As an academic exercise for Best Green Cars, I began to study the market for used electric and hybrid vehicles. Most of what I write about for BGC are exotic concepts, dreams of the future and expensive premium cars. What's out there for the average family person like myself?

I realized one of the cars that retained its value the worst was the original year (2011) of the Nissan Leaf. Consumers in general were wary of the technology and were waiting for it to improve. Furthermore, a small number of Leafs in Arizona suffered in the desert heat and lost a significant amount of battery range in the first year. Nissan reacted by modifying the warranty. A seller's loss is a buyer's gain, in my case.

So, a 2011 Leaf with 20,000 miles or so is selling for around $12,000. It was $35,000 new. Check to see if it's from Arizona, of course. But a four year old Leaf will still get around 80 miles of range. That's plenty for the average commuter. It will charge in your garage overnight. To be specific, from zero to full with a 110 volt plug and the supplied charging cord, it will take about 20 hours. Half that with a 220 connection and an after-market charging appliance worth a few hundred dollars.

And they're quick, too. Electric power is different from gas. Torque and horsepower are fully available at 1 RPM. It has only about 115 horses but a little over 200 pound-feet of torque. Quietly, it gets off the line in a hurry. It does not perform like an economy car.

And it has good room and visibility. It's not an econobox. I'm 6'1" and 230. I have plenty of elbow and head room. I hate blind-spots. When I look over my shoulder, I can see just fine. And two car-seats fit in the back.

So, when we're going long distance or taking all three kids, we take the minivan. When fewer than all of us are going around town, we take the Leaf. I'm not going to get heavily statistical here, but we're saving probably $80 in gas a month. We spend much less than $10 a month to charge the Leaf.

I think the #1 reason I went electric is because I'm a cheapskate. Sure, I love blue sky and fresh air, too, but my car payment is $1 less a month and my fuel costs shrank considerably.

Want some advice on finding the right green car? Just ask me. I'm full of it. I'm full of that, too.

4. Impersonating a Rock Star

The restaurant I work for has live music every Friday and Saturday night. We have a rotating selection of rock/blues bands. One of my favorites is The Nerve. One night after they were done playing, we were sipping beer. I mentioned my writing addiction and they suggested I get on stage with them sometime. I declined, knowing that they are experienced professionals and I don't belong in their spotlight.

The topic came up again later and eventually I said: "Hell with it." I did "Secrets for the Man" to the tune of "Walk on the Wild Side" by Lou Reed. It was a blast. If ever they were playing and I got off early, I'd do a bit with them.

Our bartender mentioned to another one of our bands that I'd read with The Nerve. They were interested, too. It kept spreading. Now I've performed with three of our bands and will do so while still on the clock.

What I itch for now is the chance to rehearse with somebody and have a dedicated performance with a bigger crowd. I want to have time to write songs and help make original music.

It's great fun and hugely flattering to realize a few musicians are playing along, taking cues from you.

3. Looking For More Work

I work routinely with Bright Hub and Best Green Cars, but I'm looking for more. I work at the restaurant four nights a week, rather than five, and want to work only three or two by the time my oldest gets to kindergarten. Working nights is cool when the kids are pre-school age. I get to take him to school, do field-trips and play around in the afternoon. But when my son starts getting home from school at 2:30 or 3 and I have to work at 4, it's going to suck.

So, I need more writing work. After a couple years of building my resume, I think I can look for writing jobs with the same strategy I use when hunting for restaurant jobs.

Rather than responding to Help Wanted signs, I go to places I want to work. Whether or not they think they need someone, I know they need me. I'm valuable and useful.

So I'm getting on the virtual road to spread resumes and samples. I'm focussing on what I know and like: hospitality, green cars, football, food, cigars and beverage.

But I figured if I directed someone back to my blog and it showed I hadn't written in three months, it wouldn't be flattering.

2. Being a Monkey

My family is fascinating. And time-consuming. And I adore them.

My wife and I attended a parent-teacher conference for out five year old boy. (Things that make you fee like a grown-up.) Apparently, he's an academic beast. I knew this, of course. He's bilingual, has been reading for two years, asks fantastic questions and has a great imagination. He's very sweet and helpful to his class-mates, too. Before we sent him to preschool, he was so shy he was nearly afraid of other kids. No more.

Our three year old boy is the physical one. Since he first looked up at his big brother, he's wanted to follow him. Therefore, he figured the walking thing out at nine months of age. Yet where his brother was too timid to get involved in gymnastics or any other sport, he has jumped right in. He was recommended for the 3-5 year old gymnastics class a few months before his third birthday.

Their baby sister has not beaten my son's 9 month record for learning to walk, but she's almost there. She has an appetite to be proud of. Early on, she stopped eating the bland, boiled homemade baby food. She wants just what we're having, spices and all, but in smaller pieces. If "pppbbbllllttt" is a word, she's already talking.

My wife is an angel. She still hasn't slept for over five years. Some time soon I'll re-educate her on the meaning of fun. She's getting back into painting just barely but has not realized how good she is. All I need to brighten my day is to hear her laugh.

1. Thinking of Writing

I've become a mercenary. I write for promised cash only. Sometimes this leads me to learn new stuff, which is great. I never would be driving an electric car if necessity didn't cause me to study them.

Other times this puts me on topics I care little about. No, this doesn't mean the one you paid me to write. I'm talking about the other guy.

Deep inside I still want to write my stuff, although I can't dedicate the time or energy to something history taught me won't sell. Just before I totally starved creatively, the music thing popped up and my pulse returned. I have few pieces are bouncing around my imagination:

Don't Say Blue. A blues piece where the central rule is I can't mention the blues. "When you left, you took the yellow from my green. I feel like purple without the red." It would go great with a weeping, wailing electric guitar.

I Told a Lie. This tune has been echoing in my skull since before I started working with musicians. "Once I told a lie, nothing would return me to the truth." I have a drumbeat, a bridge and a rhythm for the guitar and bass. I just need the lyrics. Time, scarce time.

You Don't Know Me if you Don't Know My Wife. A bit about how I'm defined by my family (aka Room-Mates). It was supposed to be a Valentine's Day delivery, but again, time.

Off to track down more employment. Somewhere is the right partner for me. Poets and advertising go well together. Give me a certain space, a theme and an audience and I'll give you strong, evocative language with just the right tone and rhythm.