Seattle Seahawks and Old Women: Pink Panthers

Contributed by Kathe Frahm

Old women aren't too big on miracles. So, when they think they see one, it is unexpected.

Russell Wilson to Luke Willson in the final seconds TD of the Seattle Seahawks game in Carolina for some of the women qualified as a miracle.

There were only 4 women in the rec room for this game. Some had had their fill of disappointment and did not want to wish too much for a win. The food selection was sparse though one old woman brought coffeecake to bake in the rec room. The smell of baking was comforting. Potato chips, microwave popcorn and Halloween candy was all the snacks and even that wasn't eaten much.

As a vocal group, the old women were disgusted with the Panthers' QB Cam Newton and yelled unkind words every time he looked at the field camera and swaggered off with look-what-I-did gestures. The old women wanted the Seahawks to win if for no other reason than to see that smirk wiped off his face.

It was a hard game. The old women were getting quieter through each of the first 3 quarters. They just knew their boys would bounce back in the 4th. At least that was the hope. When Russell was sacked, when the Hawks were intercepted and did not score a TD in their drives downfield, they cheered loud and strong for Kicker Steve Hauschka to at least get something on the scoreboard. They did not expect he would break his own distance field goal distance with a nearly perfect 58 yards. Again many comments were made about him not only being a good kicker but also very pleasant to look at.

Halfway through the 4th quarter, one of the 4 old women said she couldn't stand the way this game was going. She was going up to her apartment to pick up the sewing on her Christmas projects for the grandkids. The others could understand, but they hung in. She took a few chips and some coffeecake with her.

With the abrupt removal of the troubled Percy Harvin, Doug Baldwin and Luke Willson were placed by their handsome surfer boy coach Pete Carroll with Marshawn Lynch to carry the ball. Add the yardage gained by Robert Turbin and the old women began to have a happier outlook. The Panthers saw Baldwin as the logical replacement for Harvin and mistakenly discounted Willson to receive the ball. He did struggle but was able to catch Russell's brilliant pass for the last seconds game winning TD. Yelling and screaming and cheering for their boys is what the old women do best. They even heard the one old woman who went up to sew, screaming on her way down in the elevator.

So the now 4 old women hugged and kept up the yelling for a long time. Mostly the final look on the Panther QB's face was worth this anxious, worrisome game. Old women know the arrogance lesson always gets learned. Cam Newton should benefit from this opportunity.

The Creeper Report: Fantasy Football Week 8

The Creepers came within 6 feet of 4-0. Had Heath Miller only gained 2 more yards, I wouldn't have lost by 1/10 of a point to my old college buddy. What's up, Rod Dog? I'm sure I did something to deserve it back in '95.

Come on, stat corrections. Nothing better than winning a fantasy football game in the middle of the week.

At least the loss was in my only free league. In my 3 pay leagues, I'm holding tough at 6-1, 5-2 and 4-2-1. Creep on creepin' on. Roll with the punches.

This puts some frosting on the sour pill that was the Seattle Seahawks' game. I could taste it. Seattle was rolling. They got the defensive stop they needed and were about to get the ball back. Russell Wilson had the offense cooking and a game winning field goal was almost on my tongue.

Then that Skittle turned out to be an aspirin.

So let's get to it. 10 things about this week in fantasy football, non-fantasy football and things that are not important, like real life:

1. Jeff Fisher's Testicles are Actually Giant Brains

What the hell is a fake punt return? I'm familiar with fake punts, fake spikes, fake orgasms (I've heard of them), fake lady parts and fake-and-bake. Yet I woke up Sunday morning unaware of fake punt returns.

Now I know. So do the Seahawks.

My wife wondered why the punt return team wasn't watching the ball instead of the St. Louis Rams. If you're looking up while running down on kick coverage, someone is going to end you. So you run to the punt returner and avoid the assembling blockers. Then the ball goes to the other side of the field, where one lonely gunner takes the ball the distance. You, the cameraman and gaggle of 12s are trying to figure out what happened.

Really brilliant, Mr. Fisher. You did your homework, guided your squad and executed a crazy one.

Then later on you had the huevos to attempt a fake punt from your own 18. The balls or the brains? Some of each, but in truth, you hardly had a choice. With just under 3 minutes to go, the Rams were doomed if they punted it.

Russell was on fire. All he had to do was move the ball within Steven Hauschka's ample range and the game was over. If the Rams punt the ball they probably lose.

But execute a fake punt and you win. No doubt. Unless something crazy happens like Tre Mason fumbles the ball away.

I'll admit I can't remember a Seahawks' loss that stung so bad. Nice work. Special Teams Coordinator John Fassel deserves a lot of credit, too.

See you Week 17 in Seattle, you magnificent bastards.

2. What About the 3-3 Seahawks?

Like Aaron Rodgers said: Relax. We're behind the shockingly 5-1 Arizona Cardinals and the 4-3 San Francisco 49ers. We play both of them twice and have four games to get our feces consolidated before that happens. We have good players and we've jettisoned Percy Harvin.

So a star newcomer has beef with Russell Wilson, Golden Tate and Doug Baldwin? Two times (and one preseason game) when the team is putting together a comeback he decides he doesn't want to play? Get out. Get your things and go or we'll burn them for you. A draft pick in return? We'll give you him and a draft pick. You wan't to take his salary?

Suckers.

So I was right about Russell Wilson being a fantasy star this year. By ESPN scoring, he's the #5 quarterback. I'm happy I reached for him and own him in 3 leagues.

I was wrong about Percy Harvin being one. I figured the move to a Super Bowl contender with a great quarterback would cure his attitude problems. I still don't think he's more injury prone than the next guy. I think he doesn't want to play, which is the difference between being on the field and being in the trainer's room sometimes.

Get Doug Baldwin on your squad. He always has something to prove. Now he's proving that the Seahawks don't need Percy. His 7 catches for 123 and a score were not a fluke. He wants it and he gets what he wants.

Very cool seeing Christine Michael get some touches. Don't do anything yet, but keep your eye on him.

The next 3 games (@ Panthers, home versus Raiders and Giants) should give Seattle a chance to get things right.

The true problem, and the reason I don't draft defenses, is Seattle's defense. They need to shake things up. Remember last year when the amazing thing was that they played base defense and got things done with man-to-man coverage? Not the case this year. They need to start blitzing, mixing up coverage and surprising teams.

3. Percy and the Jets

I hope you read the 3 pieces I did regarding the Harvin trade. Look at me: I was being topical and timely. As a fantasy owner, don't give up on him yet. He's about to have the biggest game of the season.

It's honeymoon time in New Jersey. The Jets need to prove they made a good decision. They'll pump Percy the ball like he was back in Minnesota. At least this week. Then he'll realize he hates Geno Smith and that 1-6 means 1-6. He'll try to get out before long. Week 8 is the best game of the rest of his career.

Week 8, 2014, will be the best game of the rest of Percy Harvin's career. Cut and paste that.

Ride it while you can and then make your own plans for Week 9. Thankfully, he's only on one of my squads. But he's starting.

Chris Ivory should get a momentary boost from this. He came up big for me this week, although I had little faith in the Jets and started him with reservations. Expect some of that jet sweep/read option stuff that worked for Marshawn Lynch early in the year.

As for Jeremy Kerley, Eric Decker and the rest of them? They get musty in Harvin's shadow for a week. As for the rest? Let's talk about it next week.

4. Some Good Running Back Pickups this Week

The waiver wire has potential. I hated to see it, but Tre Mason looked good and it's easy to drop Zac Stacy now. Benny Cunningham is worth a look, particularly in that kick return yardage league I'm in.

Denard Robinson took over the running back role in Jacksonville. Although I feel nothing good about the Jaguars, except playing defense against them, Robinson is intriguing because he's listed as a WR/RB. He's an instant flex and a big play threat. He'll be a handy bench asset.

Jerick McKinnon seized the starting job from Matt Asiata. Again, I don't feel good about many things Viking, but starting running backs are worth grabbing when they come available.

Anthony Dixon is almost the only back left for Buffalo now that Fred Jackson and CJ Spiller are both hurt. We're continuing the theme of starting runners for questionable offenses here.

5. Speaking of Defenses against Jacksonville...

I like Miami against the Jaguars. Blake Bortles is still throwing interceptions. Yeah, they slapped up the Browns last week, but prove me wrong this week.

Yeah, the Cleveland Browns got slapped up this week, but they get the Raiders this week. My FF Defense Rule #1 is: play against the Raiders. Does Cleveland give another team their first win? At least get some sacks and turnovers on your way there.

If you got to, take Houston against Tennessee. Sure, they have JJ Watt, but they don't seem to be able to play a whole game of good defense.

6. Congratulations, Elliott Nix

Thursday, Elliott Nix became the first person ever to ask me online for fantasy advice. He wanted to know if he should start Brandon Bolden or James Jones. Too bad he asked me minutes before the Patriots' game and I was unable to respond in time. Maybe not too bad, because as a Raider Hater I would have told him to go with Bolden, who ended up with 1 catch for 4 yards.

Well, James Jones caught 4 passes for 35 yards. Hope that didn't sway it for you. Did I mention I lost by 1/10 of a point this week?

But thanks for asking and keep reading. Give me a little more lead time and I'll give you some advice worth ignoring.

7. I Have Given Up on Being an Author

No I haven't. I wrote 4 ebooks in the last few years. Somehow I never mention them. The covers and links are on this blog somewhere. Life is conspiring against me. Kids, work and my new freelance writing thing have eaten all my creative writing time. The only creative things I've written in the past year have been slam pieces.

I should YouTube those. I'll whisper them into the webcam when the shorties are sleeping.

Find me on Smashwords. I'm on Amazon, too, but I'm such an underdog fan I'm drawn to Smashwords. Cathartes Aura and the Apocalypse Zoo truly reads better on paper. It's a collection of 10 line stanzas and ereaders just don't show it right.

I thank you in advance.

8. Paul Richardson

The Percy Harvin trade, among other things, is a compliment to Paul Richardson. The speedy rookie is more than just a burner. He runs tight routes, catches tough passes, shows good footwork near the sidelines and was impressive in the preseason. He's been mostly invisible until Harvin was gone. He's done everything but go deep in a game.

Richardson is the new Harvin, only young and humble. In my deeper leagues, I've added him. Maybe it's a hometown move, but I think he could become a factor later in the year.

9. ¡Jesus Fuego! That's a good cigar.

In my last sampler, a very pleasant surprise was the Jesus Fuego Corojo Oscuro Toro.

At 6" x 50, it's a meaty smoke without being chubby. The light and burn were perfectly smooth. The flavor was not my typical style. It's woodsy and leathery with a certain rich tea leaf flavor. Normally, I'm a squid ink maduro guy. But I like this one a lot. It was a good break from my normal, though not too far away, and exactly why you need to try random stuff sometimes. I was unfamiliar with the brand, but now I'll perk up when I hear the name.

And ¡Jesus Fuego! just became my new favorite way to use the Lord's name in vain. I pledge to work it into conversation as often as I can.

"¡Jesus Fuego! Heath Miller couldn't get me pinche dos fantasy points?"

10. Harvin gets a Haiku

I need a new team.

One that loses and likes it

When I cry and punch.

Good luck and happy creepings.

Percy and the Jets Part Two: What it Means for the New York Jets

He's got electric boots a mohair suit.

You know I read it in a magazine...

Percy and the Jets.

(Still ripping off Elton John.)

The 1-6 New York Jets pulled off the huge Percy Harvin trade with the Seattle Seahawks, assuming Percy's passing a physical right now. He was previously listed as Questionable for the St. Louis Rams game with a thigh injury. Probably not the sort of thing that nullifies a trade.

This whole thing would make much more sense in reverse. A team that won't make the playoffs swaps talent this year for a draft pick next year. A Super Bowl contender adds one more weapon for the post-season run. Seattle giving up talent at this point doesn't make sense.

On the surface.

Reports are now bubbling up about Harvin's fights with Doug Baldwin and Golden Tate. About arguments with Russell Wilson. About Harvin not wanting to get back into the game against the Dallas Cowboys.

If you have beef with hard working team-players who helped my favorite team get a Super Bowl ring, if you aren't interested in being part of a comeback victory, then get the hell out.

But this is about the Jets. NYJ GM John Idzik, and former Seahawks vice president, has been criticized for not getting enough talent in the off-season. He started the year with about $20 million in cap space. Both he and Rex Ryan are on the hot seat.

How is Idzik trying to cool his seat? Big trade. Yet I don't see it coming soon enough to help a 1-6 team. Can the Jets with Percy Harvin with 8 or 9 of the remaining games and burn rubber into the playoffs? Nah.

So what will the Jets look like with Percy? (The fantasy football implications are coming in part 3.)

Look to see the Jets mimic the jet screen/read option stuff Seattle used with Marshawn Lynch. Chris Ivory does a respectable Beast Mode impression. The Jets will have to prove the trade was a good move. They will certainly force the ball to Percy next week against the Buffalo Bills.

I don't think this makes Geno Smith a great quarterback suddenly, although a screen pass that Percy breaks for a touchdown looks good on the stat line.

My prediction, sometime in the next couple weeks, a defender jumps a screen to Percy and takes one of Geno's telegraphed passes the other way for six. Watch for it.

This feels like a desperate move for the Jets. It's a great bit of math for the Seahawks. At 3-2 including a home loss to Dallas, obviously the Seahawks aren't playing up to their potential. If Harvin's attitude was part of the problem, then this is a brilliant move. Subtracting him while adding a draft pick and increasing the amount of money for Russell Wilson, Bobby Wagner, KJ Wright and other contract moves next year is beautiful.

Did Idzik just help Pete Carroll and John Schneider out of a jam?

Yes.

Thanks.

And good luck. If Percy's not happy being on one of the best teams in the league, how will he be happy being a Jet?

Part 3: the Fantasy Impact coming soon.